I worship at the altar of crap TV. If you are of a different TV-viewing persuasion, then look away now, because there is nothing here for you.

Me outside Sur and Villa Blanca. #stalker

Wikipedia reckons the “Golden Age of Television” was the 50s.

Pfft. The true Golden Age of TV began in 2006 when Bravo, in its wisdom, gave the world the first of the Real Housewives.

The original Housewives were from the OC, and back in the day, I was a disciple.  For reasons that escape me, my devotion lapsed and I didn’t return to the OC until this season (season 8). I wouldn’t have missed that wedding for ANYTHING.

I flirted with the crazy that is Atlanta, but over the past few years, I narrowed my focus and pledged allegiance to the Housewives of New Jersey, New York, Vancouver and Beverly Hills.

I haven’t blogged any recaps of the Housewives, but honestly, trying to have a sensible (heh) conversation on Twitter with my Housewives posse is getting ridiculous. Stupid 140 characters.

With the latest season of the Beverly Hills Housewives now underway, Imma kick off the conversation (in point form, because efficient).

So in no particular order:

1. What’s with the name change Foxtel?? What for you changed it to “Beverly Hills, the Real Housewives of…”? It doesn’t even make sense. Stop it.
2. How gorgeous is Gigi?? And who’s her dad? Surely it’s not Mohammed? (BTW, did anyone see Mohammed’s house on Million Dollar Listing LA. He kind of makes my skin crawl. What was Yolanda thinking? Derr, ok, she was thinking mega-cajillionaire, but still.) I find David Foster v. attractive, BTW. Not as attractive as Harry Styles, obvs.
3. When we were in the US, we hired a Mustang and drove up to Malibu. I missed about 10kms of ocean view because I was 100% committed to spotting Yolanda’s house. I mean, how hard could it be to spot a lemon grove (? orchard?). Turns out, very freaking hard.
4. Kyle had back fat in that yellow frock.
5. I want a shop like Kyle’s. So much classier than Dash. I think. Or not.
6. That giant tray on Kyle’s kitchen counter? What even was that? If I had a tray like that on my kitchen counter, it would be full of hair ties, receipts, iphone chargers, nail polish and a high bounce ball in about 5 minutes.
7. Kim’s dog is a pit-bull. He’s gonna eat way more than her cushions.
8. I saw Kyle on an episode of ER last week. When she was Nurse Dori. Hilarious.
9. Am not entirely happy about the crossover with Vanderpump Rules. Bit of focus please Bravo! We’re here for the Housewives, not the Sur staff. They have their own show.
10. Always takes me a while to warm up to new cast members. I mean, it’s just too easy to think Carlton is an idiot, based purely on her kids’ names. Cross? Please. I wish their surname was Leggatt.  I crack myself up.  And what kind of a BH Housewife is called Joyce? This is what a Joyce looks like:
    

    Joyce Jacobs. From A Country Practice.

    Although Joyce (Giraud, not Jacobs) does have ace hair – a point Lisa made in a totally obvious dig at Kyle. And in fairness to Lisa, Kyle’s hair isn’t looking anywhere near as faboosh as it did last season.

11. Thank God for Brandi. I love Brandi. I admit I thought she was Skanky McSkankerson in her first season, but seriously, if I had a body like hers, I’d parade around in my underpants all day as well. And the girl can hold a grudge. It’s like she’s part Mafioso – Leanne Rimes should be checking her bed for a horse’s head for the term of her natural life.
12. I miss Taylor. For the crazy, obvs.

Love it sick.